Helping Others & Helping Yourself through Support

It’s a two-way street: Helping others, helping yourself through support.

As I was going through my three-year, high-conflict divorce, friends frequently told me they heard of similar situations regarding divorce. The more I talked about it, the more I realized there was a constant theme of manipulation and injustice to varying degrees within family courts. Divorce left me emotionally and financially devastated and without my children. I was curious to know what other people were experiencing the same confusing heartache: Trying to understand how my kids could hate me, their mom they once loved. I decided to post a PAAO meeting notice on Facebook.

My first meeting was at a conveniently-located restaurant in San Antonio, TX. I'll never forget the two women who showed up. We shared our stories of false CPS allegations, police reports, and the financial burden of divorce. Our stories sounded like fiction, but were accurate accounts of our reality. This was our experience in the legal system and our children were caught in the crossfire. My friends were right--I was not alone! We were not alone! That was in 2014.

Fast forward to today: Our group meets monthly (usually the 4th Saturday of the month) at a public library. For Christmas, we had a potluck with plenty of food and fellowship. Anyone affected by parental alienation is welcome to join us--mothers, fathers, grandparents, cousins, and friends. In addition, we welcome counselors, attorneys, and guest speakers. As with any support group, members come and go. No matter who shows up, we always have compassion, understanding, and empathy for each other.

Our advocacy is gaining momentum. We hosted Bubbles of Love the past two years, and plans for 2018 are in the works. Be sure to watch our Events page for updates We are looking to make an impact in our community!

In helping others, I have helped myself. My support group and advocacy has given me purpose during my family's crisis. There's still a big piece of my heart missing, but I am restored and coping with this heinous abuse in a healthy way.

PAAO Support Group Tips for Success:

• Advertise, advertise, advertise. I create a Facebook event and advertise on various Facebook pages. PAAO USA currently manages a private Facebook Group and it is a wonderful source of support. To become a member, please contact me today. I also have an email list (I collect email addresses from meeting attendees who wish to be added to the list). Also, some newspapers and online magazines offer free community event announcements.
• Be consistent with the meeting place and time.
• Ask attendees to sign in so you have their contact information.
• The nature of support groups is fluid. Expect members to come and go.
• Give everyone a limited time to share.
• Give attendees the opportunity to mingle and develop friendships for support. This is really important. 

If you want to start a support group in your area, I'd be happy to assist you. There is great value in connecting with others, sharing resources and coping strategies, support and friendship. Target parents are the nicest people I know and I'm blessed by many new friendships through my work with PAAO USA! No one should walk this path alone. Reach out! You'll help someone else and yourself.

Shelley Toner
Manager, PAAO USA